Living from the True Self

From the time we’re little kids, we start creating various identities that help us move through life. These are not bad, and they’re even necessary, as these identities help us connect with others, learn skills, build confidence, and even find success. 

Richard Rohr calls these public identities “containers.” We establish and fill these containers in the first half of life. Can you think of such a container? 

One of my earliest memories of my first identity is as a student – oh how I reveled in being a “good” student. I loved to read, loved school, loved helping other kids, loved positive attention from teachers. My first grade teacher, Sister Elinor (my one and only nun teacher) was strict and intimidating, but deep down I sensed a loving approval from her because I was a good student. That fed me and as time went on, I continued to build my “good student” identity, which was reinforced with recognition, success, achievement, and honestly, a lot of joy through the years. As we grow up and well, keep growing, we outgrow these containers. I’m obviously a student no longer, but that particular identity has morphed into other professional and public identities. 

Can you recall one of your early identities?

All of us define ourselves by what we do. When we’re younger, maybe it’s academics, athletics, the arts, etc. As we grow up, we add more public identities through our experiences, career path, relationships, and more. However, through the inevitable trials of living, we have the opportunity (often multiple opportunities) to face ourselves; our self-created identities, and what it means integrate our inner and outer lives. 

We start uncovering our True Self. The True Self is who we are from the very beginning, our soul. It’s who we ARE at our essence, not what we DO or don’t do. 

Rohr uses the analogy of a diamond: Diamonds are pieces of coal, but through intense heat and pressure they transform into something brilliant, tough, and eternally sparkling. We go through a similar process as we struggle through the stresses and pain of living…like a diamond, our True Selves become stronger and filled with light.

Our job is to uncover the dirt and debris that smudges and hides our True Self. This is a laborious and hard job that takes a very long time, even the remainder of our lives. It takes a lot of humility and a willingness to enter into the dark corners of our soul. It is the work we can do when we find ourselves hanging in liminal space. 

It’s okay and even necessary to make time to just “be.” To be still. To be quiet. To really rest. To truly uncover our True Self, we have to listen to our inner voice, and not just once in a while. Listening to ourselves, our True Self, is a practice that happens day in and day out, over and over. It’s a practice I stumble with over and over, but I resolve to keep trying.

News flash: the demands of daily modern life make this extremely difficult. Our consumer-driven western culture constantly sends us messages to escape and distract ourselves…even in the midst of being stuck at home during the pandemic. We all have internalized this memo through and through. A very accurate term I heard for this from Another Name for Everything is “addictive preoccupations.” More on these next time.

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.” -Rumi