Traveling light

This fall we headed to Boise to watch William run in a regional cross country meet. It was going to be a quick weekend, and I preferred to not sit in the car all day on Friday and Sunday with only one day of play in between. I’m a bit of a diva when it comes to avoiding physical aches and pains! So I booked a one way ticket from Portland to Boise on a Friday afternoon. William hitched a ride on Thursday with friends and Jason departed Friday morning with one of the dads. Lucky for me, that meant my luggage could ride in Jason’s car and I only needed to take my purse on the plane ride. The ability to move through security, walk through the airport, board the airplane, get seated – unencumbered by a roller board felt absolutely liberating!

When the plane landed in Boise, we deplaned down the stairs outside. Even passengers with carry-on bags had to “check” them at the gate because the overhead bins were small. Lots of people had to wait outside the plane while their carry-ons were unloaded. Not me – I sailed by the crowd and strode out to meet my ride. I felt so carefree, and yes, lighter.

What does it mean to travel light at this stage of life? It’s something I think about often. No one gets to mid-life unscathed. It’s part of the journey of being human. Although our problems and suffering are individual to each of us, the struggle is universal. By the time we reach mid-life, we are carrying around a backpack that is stuffed with experiences – the good, bad, and in-between. The ordinary and extraordinary. The successes and failures.

Sometimes, that backpack can feel mighty heavy. It’s up to us to pause from time to time and unpack it. Sift and sort and discard. Because if we don’t, the heft of that backpack can become painful, even unbearable, and negatively impact our wellbeing and those around us. They see us metaphorically hunched over and shrinking under the weight, and it’s usually a detriment to us and our relationships.

The contents of your backpack are unique. But anyone in mid-life has acquired a full backpack, thanks to living years on earth. We have to do the work of unpacking. Brené Brown talks about this in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: you either choose to do this critical work in midlife, or you choose not to. Those who don’t, run the risk of becoming bitter, angry, depressed, chronically ill, and/or estranged from loved ones in old age. Those that do, have a better chance of experiencing peace, joy, wisdom, and foster loving and close relationships as elders. 

I have learned a lot about shadow work, i.e. examining our shadow side from Richard Rohr’s teachings.  It means to be brutally honest with yourself and shine light in the dark corners of your soul. This can be difficult and even humiliating, but it’s usually enlightening.

Shadow boxing is helpful when unpacking our backpack. Remember to focus on radical self-acceptance. Our inner critic has a tendency to step up automatically, which makes shadow boxing something we’d rather avoid. Turn down the volume of your inner critic, accept yourself “as is” and simply do the  work – sort, sift, discard. 

Anyone who has dealt with oppression, abuse, abandonment, trauma, etc. may need additional support with unpacking, often in the guidance of a skilled therapist. Others may lean on their faith, a trusted confidant, meditation. The important thing is to face our shadow, rather than escape, numb, deny, rationalize, or make excuses, etc.

While this blog post has been percolating in my mind the past several weeks, I happened to listen to a recent episode on the podcast Love Period last week. The Reverend Dr. Jacqui Lewis interviewed one of my favorites, author and activist Valarie Kaur on the topic of Travel Lightly: Downsize the Burdens You Carry. 

Lewis summarized this unpacking as: 

1. Feel your emotions. Don’t mask or ignore or box them away – feel all the emotions in their stormy largeness. Exercise or art or nature or music or journaling or some other cathartic activity can help us manage “feeling the feels.”

2. Learn the lessons. Emotions, especially anger, generally have something to teach us. In order to learn, we have to be willing to humbly pay attention and dig deep to the root of that emotion.

3. Practice letting go. This means extricating that chunk of burden from your backpack. It may not happen on the first try, but keep practicing. Sort, sift, discard.

As 2021 comes to a close, and what a year it has been, I want to take this to heart:

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. -Yogi Bhajan